Commentary VI:19

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Who is to Judge

There is a lot to unpack, and we will see how well I do at unpacking it. I will say, this was not the mire I expected to get stuck in.

I will start off however, by identifying something not otherwise clear or stated. An important historical character had never actually gotten a name. They are pivotal to the history of the world, and I know a lot about them, or at least their role in history, and what they did or were caught up in. All this, but I never gave them a name, until now.

Jerae of Corinthia, Jarae’etten as he took the name upon his ascension as the first of the Green Dragons, who inspired Alara to seek the same circumstances in hers. (BtB they have some history as well.) He would never officially hold the title Emperor Consort, wear a crown, or I suppose technically be married to the Empress, but as the sole farther of her brood… well, official can be a strange mater. That aside, onto the chapter itself.


This conversation unfolded as expected, until it didn’t. A lot of background information that’s been nipping around the edges found it’s way in first. Sylvia’s history, the rise and corruption of the Clarion faith, the fall of the Ahashi. The last of which is the newest in invention, but is still nearly two books old.

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Commentary VI:14

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The War of Mirrors

Trying again to do commentary in parallel with editing, and really tightly coupling the process section by section. I decided to add another day on background, in which I presume mostly wallowing, or futile conversations happened. No progress, Laset continues to imply she is to weak without showing obvious signs.

One presumes Rihonae is actually using the orrery chamber as a functional throne room, and not just for show. Maintaining a presence here most days for petitioners, and so she was easy to find on the previous day, to have one more ask of when they would be let go.

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Commentary VI:10

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A Shadow with Walls

I had a title too good to waste, where by length I wound up having to push it off. Yet I was tempted to stick with it, because there is a semblance of aptness. Also I’ve yet to decided between A Clockwork Sun, or A Clockwork Sky. Of which we have already passed the impetus, so there should be no spoiler in sharing my conundrum.

Old cries of a clockwork universe are the actual cause. As I discussed before, the inspiration of the scene in last weeks chapter has hung with me. Secondarily of course, a sun might said to be orange at times, not that I’m overly a fan of a movie with such a truly evil protagonist, without much of any good reason. Still the impetus of forced adaptation to social pressure carries through a bit.

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Commentary VI:7

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Asymmetrical Dialogue

This all cascaded off of Liora making her opening offer. Katrisha as the other member of that bargain of course speaks next. A light rebuttal of sorts, or affirmation that she represents another path. She asks Wren, who has brought them to this, to step up as well, and he begrudges to do so. Perhaps because he has already partly taken responsibility.

Rousing speeches. Sure conversations could have been had one at a time, but where’s the fun in that, or practicality. I should figure out exactly how many there are all told, I’ll admit I’ve left the numbers pretty vague.

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Commentary VI:6

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Mirrors, Shadows, & other Celestial Symbols

This opening was the initial thought that had given The Wake title to the previous chapter, and why I ended on a hint of it at least. I moved it for length primarily, but because it made a better ominous omen to just have smoke on the horizon.

Pragmatism has to win the day sometimes. Near full up, a civilian crew, and uncertain conflict unfolding in a port that might not even be safe to enter if fighting wasn’t a concern, given the burning wreck blocking the way. Ambrush is just flat right, its the situation that’s wrong.

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Commentary VI:5

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The Ripples of Change

There were a lot of things that pulled me back and forth on this plot line, that I stumbled into unwitting. As with Liora, it was a disruption that did not fit my plans, or rather my vision of them. In truth, as it all shakes out, it fit better. Liora’s path, her character, past and struggles. These proto-assassins are the sort of thing her mother was before she was rescued. The sort of thing that might have been made of her along the way to ‘fix’ her in the eyes of others, before she could have been converted to a soldier of the other side.

Her stakes, and position in all this. That this subplot would make the future for her more interesting – in a bit of an ‘ancient proverb’ sense of the word – was hard to deny. Its one of those things. If you let the rules of a world push events as they might imply, they can lead you places you didn’t know you wanted to go. Sometimes even kicking and screaming.

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Commentary VI:2

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An Agency of Change

Something interesting that came up Tuesday, which, well I guess agrees with some aspects of my writing. If it seems a bit slow it gets more interesting in the middle when they really dig into details about structural inequity in an abstracted society. One of the interesting things being I ran across it after most of this commentary was written.

It’s only passingly mentioned how much writers actually struggle to write truly egalitarian societies, because to be truly egalitarian I would argue you undermine the basis on which almost all of what is consisted strong story telling is constructed, deep interpersonal conflict. Which is always going arise out of social inequities, so the more egalitarian the society, the more subdued these are going to be. Feeling somewhere between naive to disingenuous compared to our understanding of real human behavior.

Where’s the conflict, is one of the first questions in story telling.


I went through a lot of tiles for this weeks chapter, trying to be clever about extra parts left over, and conflations of inequality and iniquity. Mostly cause I pushed the title I had started with on to next week. I’d also considered Remainders rather strongly over Iniquity, but move along. I do also have some worries about the tone shift in the middle of next weeks chapter… but next week.

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